I'm starting to wonder if Valentine's Day was a turning point for me. Of sorts, anyway.
We had sex 3 times that night, as I recounted before. Twice here in the computer room (we have a couch in here as well) and then one more time when we went to "bed". (I seriously thought he meant he wanted to go to sleep. We'd already had sex twice, which might not sound like a lot, but he almost never lasts more than once.)
The good thing about having sex in our bedroom rather than anywhere else in the house? That's where the toys are!
We were in his new favorite position (start out spooning, but end up in a formation somewhere between a 'T' and a '+') and he'd prompted me to start rubbing my own clit. I did, but found that I was quite dry up there. Hubby reached behind his head and got out the vibrator and bottle of lube. Squirting a little on the tip for me, he pushed it between my cunt lips so that I could take hold of it.
And proceeded to have - quite literally - the most amazing orgasm of my life so far. The kind of orgasm that, when I look back on that night, I get light-headed just thinking about it.
I'd rubbed that vibrator around my clit while his cock slid in and out of me until I hit the "sweet spot." And I don't know what made it so mind-blowing - whether it was the fact that his cock was inside of me as well... or if it was the intensity of the day itself... or if it was the depth of emotional connection I felt with him at that point... or maybe it was a combination of all those things. I honestly don't know. I just know that when that orgasm hit, and my pussy clenched down on his cock, it blew my mind in a way that no orgasm ever has (at least so far).
And I'm not entirely sure if it was multiple orgasms or one really long one, but the feeling lasted forever. Just when I thought it was about to ebb off, fireworks were exploding in my brain again.
Afterwards, my whole body tingled. I'd had that tingle before, but only in my thighs. I never imagined my entire body could feel like that.
Last night he seemed intent on making sure I came before he ever put his cock in me (which is a change from before; basically it was just enough foreplay to lube me up, fuck, come, done). But he's a bit... rough. The skin on his fingers is so rough it feels like sandpaper, and he sometimes uses so much pressure that I joke with him that if I wanted my clit sanded off, I'd go get a sander!
To be clear, it's not that he just doesn't give a shit whether it feels good or not. The problem is me. I've tried to tell him the "right" way (for values of right that simply mean right for ME), but I just can't seem to make myself clear. I try, and he does adjust his speed/pressure/whatever, but it's still not quite right. And that falls on me and my apparently lacking communication skills.
So. Last night. He's trying really hard to make me come - and does this thing with his fingers that is difficult to describe, but felt good in the most amazing way. But it's still not quite right.
So as we're fucking, he prompts me to start playing with my clit again. For the first time, E.V.E.R., I don't hesitate. Not even a fleeting thought of "Oh my god no! He can't see me do that!" Not one.
Unfortunately that orgasm? Never came. But definitely not from a lack of trying!! I think it's probably because I'm still sick. I've had a godawful flu for almost 4 weeks now, and I still feel like a truck ran over me, stopped, and backed up over me again for good measure. The funny thing is, while we're having sex, I forget all about being sick. I don't even cough or anything, even with all the gasping and moaning I end up doing. I suspect that probably has something to do with endorphins. But I think this sucks-donkey-balls-flu is probably why I was never able to come last night.
But it's the fact that I didn't hesitate; that, for once, I was able to just let go of all of those unwelcome thoughts and just abandon myself in the moment. That's what really gets me. And I think it has a lot to do with that mind-blowing orgasm on Valentine's Day. Because now that I know it can feel like that, I find myself trying to make that happen again. And yeah, that might be a waste of time... but I can certainly still have fun trying, right? ;)