I hate it when Hubby's sick.
Earlier today, we had a conversation that had me looking forward to the time when the children would be asleep.
Him: Has the Red Baron landed yet?
Me: ??? (I looked at him funny, 'cuz I didn't know what the fuck he was on about.)
Him: Your period. Have you started your period yet?
Me: Nope, not yet. It's definitely coming some time in the next couple of days, though.
Him: Obviously. (I'm kind of PMSing at the moment. Okay, not kind of... I AM.)
Then he gave me one of his grins. The one where he looks like a little boy who's about to do something really evil.
Him: Later tonight then.
And he kissed me. The kind of kiss that makes my knees weak and leaves me breathless. I cling to him not only because I want to, but because if I didn't, I'd be in a puddle on the floor.
But... it didn't happen. Or isn't happening, rather.
For one thing, he didn't get much sleep last night, so he wanted to get some rest in order to be up for it - in more ways than one. But that didn't happen, either. If it wasn't the kids making noise and waking him up, it was the washing machine. (We have 6 people in this house - I have to do laundry every day in order to keep up with it.) For another thing, he's not feeling well. He hasn't been feeling well for a few days now, but it hasn't been too bad. It seems to ebb and flow. Some days he feels worse than others, but he really hasn't felt well for about a week now.
So I totally understand. But I'm disappointed. For one thing, he got me all turned on and I couldn't wait for time to pass so we could be alone together. I had memories of the last week running through my head, and it was so bad that I couldn't concentrate on anything. (Thankfully, housework doesn't take a whole lot of mental ability, or I'd be completely useless.)
And... I'm pretty sure "The Red Baron," as he called it, will be arriving tomorrow. I can feel it. I'm already starting to cramp up, and that's a pretty sure sign for me.
And Hubby isn't into period sex. Unfortunately for me. (One of my pre-marriage boyfriends - the biological father [unlovingly referred to as a sperm donor] of my 12 year old - was into that, and I found it quite enjoyable.) But when I'm having that lovely week of mine? Yeah... no. He won't come near me, at least not in a sexual way. He'll cuddle me (which is good, because I get hella emotional when I'm PMSing) and stuff, but he won't touch me in a sexual way at all.
So it'll be about a week before I have any chance of making love to him again.
But I had an idea.
What we both want is for me to be a little more pro-active in our sex life. I've never had a problem participating, but initiating and even so much as talking about it? Yeah, that's a big problem for me.
What I don't seem to have a problem with is writing about it. Right now I'm sharing most of that with strangers (I don't think he knows about this blog; he's not usually very nosy and I just don't think he's noticed me writing in here. I could be wrong, though), but I think I might start sharing a little bit with him, as well.
Just a little note, here and there. Maybe some romantic love notes... Valentine's Day is coming soon, after all. What better time of the year to purposely bring on the romance? And definitely some sexy notes as well. Tell him what I want to do to him, in glaringly graphic detail.
The goal is to make it so that - once my period is over - he can't wait to get his hands on me.
Not to mention I think it'll be a great exercise for me, in working on this whole married sex life thing.
an exercise in courage
1 hour ago